Posting chip stack pics

It's become fashionable to post pictures on Twitter, Instagram, and poker forums of big chip stacks during a winning session.

For consistency's sake, where are the pictures after a brutal, losing session?

Bit of a mouthful

These are the home games you want to be invited to :

This post will self-destruct in 10 minutes

Trying an experiment similar to Snapchat's self-destructing mechanism. If this works, I'll be able to retire and not have to worry about finding work again.

Edit (4 hours later)
As can be seen, the post did not self-destruct. Very disappointing, considering I spent over 2 months writing the necessary code which, when applied to the Blogger template interface, should have resulted in this post's automatic disappearance after 10 minutes. Alas, my dreams of retiring were greatly exaggerated and premature.

The Queen and Dolly

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.

Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in. The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."

The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, drinks it down, then wees into a toilet and pulls the lever.

The Angel says, "OK, your Majesty, you may go in."

Dolly is outraged and asks, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's perfect creations and you turn me down. She wees into a toilet and she gets in! Would you explain that to me?"

"Sorry, Dolly," says the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a Royal Flush

beats a pair - no matter how big they are."

Casino Player Magazine

Among the various magazines available in some Strip poker rooms is Casino Player. Described as "America's gaming lifestyle magazine", it contains articles on gambling strategy as well as up-to-date casino news, and dining and show reviews.

They claim to look out for the player but it's blatantly obvious by the ads and content that they are deeply in bed with the casino industry. This would be fair enough if they didn't resort to the misleading and luring promises on their front cover and inside.

So, for example, on the cover of the June 2013 edition we are promised "tips for FINALLY beating three card poker". Upon looking inside, the article has the more realistic and sober subheading "Lower the casino's edge with these optimal strategies". Somewhat different from the cover's verbiage and offering no solution to overcoming that pesky 3% house edge.

The latest December 2013 issue has "WINNING BACCARAT STRATEGY" emblazoned on the top left of the cover. Once again, when we bother to actually read the article inside, we are informed that by betting on the banker we will win more frequently than betting on the player, but alas the house edge is still 1.06%. Not to disappoint however, the article ends with "So go ahead and win frequently."

But what really caught my eye was a full-page article about the opening of a new $800-million resort casino. In the sidebar there was the following quote :

Remember this : The house doesn't beat the player. It just gives him the opportunity to beat himself.
-Nicholas Dandalos
"Nick the Greek"
(1883 - 1966)

 Aaah, so that's what keeps the Strip lit up.

Sign me up

I may have found my next career choice.

While watching the Nelson Mandela memorial, I couldn't but help notice the ease with which the sign language interpreter conveyed the meaning and emotion of the world leaders' eulogies. It looked fairly simple and I could only discern 7 different signs, making it something even I could master with a little effort.

Once certified, I could be a major asset to any poker room whenever a floor decision needs to be explained to a deaf player.

Finally landed a temporary job

I will be spending the next 2 weeks working as a human directional. Before any of you get overly impressed, it's just a fancy name for a sign twirler. I'll take it though, especially after having botched my last job interview for a position as a wealth management advisor at Morgan Stanley.

I got a fever

The poor fellow in seat 9 was sneezing uncontrollably. Thankfully my seat 3 was outside the contaminated blast zone and therefore in a germ-free area. However I could see the dealer was starting to get visibly agitated and only the internal customer relations training he underwent prevented any verbal response on his part.

Me : Allergies?

Seat 9 : No, I think I'm getting a fever.

Me : I'm a physician. The only prescription is more cowbell.

Seat 9 : Huh?

Vicious animal attack

I apologize for the posting hiatus and am pleased to report that after a 2 week stay at Sunrise Hospital, I was finally released today. A fortnight ago, a confluence of highly unlikely events led to my being set upon by 2 llamas and a miniature horse. Commenting on the incident, officials at the Las Vegas Petting Zoo said it was "extremely unusual and the first of its kind since the zoo's opening 27 years ago".

To its credit, the zoo spared no expense and flew in a highly specialized medical team including 3 groin reconstruction surgeons, ensuring that both my reproductive capacity and voice intonation will thankfully remain intact.

I can now concentrate on rebuilding my career and poker grubstake.

Whoooosh!!!

I've been reading Card Player magazine for the last 10 years and have yet to encounter a strategy article that I could not easily understand. That is until the latest issue (October 2, 2013) containing Reid Young's "How to beat those pesky loose reraisers (or how to be so pesky!)".

Reid Young is a poker coach and author of "The Blue Book : An Advanced Strategy Guide for No-Limit Hold'em Cash Games", an e-book that was initially priced at $2,500 when it came out in 2010. He also posts on 2+2 as shootaa.

Card Player is available for free in card rooms and the target audience of the articles in the magazine generally reflect this. Some writers will have a series of pieces in consecutive issues, each building on the previous one. However, this is Young's first article on the subject. To be fair, he does state :

"A comprehensive look into all of these topics would take scores of articles,..." 

However, we are then bombarded with the likes of :

"At a particular, though opponent dependent, inflection point on a value curve, the ability to charge an opponent  for drawing to a big hand is diminished by an increasingly large preflop stack size, as long as reraise size is held relatively constant."

and

"The need for an equity based range in certain cases makes clear that with different stack sizes, the polarity of the reraising range varies."

There is no doubt that Reid Young has a lot to offer. However, until he descends from Olympus, Card Player is not the appropriate forum for his material.

I give up

Slept all weekend not wishing to wake up and face the real world, which unfortunately came crumbling down around me on Friday when I failed to pass the Head Lice Removal Technician qualifying exam.

My presentation in front of the examining board was going well as I confidently demonstrated the different species of lice which I held in an open petri dish. An ill-timed sneeze, however, resulted in the accidental infestation of all those within a 5 foot radius of me, thereby prematurely ending any chances of my qualifying.

I'm all out of ideas.

Nearly there

Apologies for the recent lull in posting, but I have been preoccupied with studying for my final certification exams which hopefully will lead to full qualification as a Head Lice Removal Technician.

Final assessment is Friday consisting of a 3-hour written test, followed by practical treatment of a severe infestation case.

I know I can do this.

Tipping the dealer – IV

We have already established that a dealer’s tip expectation is directly correlated to the size of the pot. Because the dealer expects me to share my good fortune with him, I view the dealer as a business partner, to be rewarded when times are good and to be ignored when I'm not doing as well.

For those who wish to avoid this extra overhead, there is always the option of playing online, and a comprehensive list of US sites may be found here.

As a player, winning a pot means nothing to me unless taken in context, and certain criteria have to be met before a dealer is eligible for a tip.

Am I winning for the session?
While this may not concern the dealer, it has a disproportionate influence on the size and frequency of my tipping. If I am winning, I tip generously on big pots, and at least $1 on the smaller ones. If on the other hand I am down for the session, I will hold back on the tips, depending on how deep in the hole I am.

Am I winning in this particular dealer’s down?
I always make a mental note of my stack size each time a new dealer sits down. As my business partner, I take care of her as long as I am profitable during her down. If, however, I start losing, I will wait till I return to my starting level before resuming my tipping.

So, for example, dealer X sits down when I have $500 in front of me, and I lose $200 in the next 10 minutes. I then win a $40 pot. Dealer X will get nothing. I have no qualms about this as X was (or should have been) tipped by those who took my $200.

My relationship with the dealer
Some dealers address me by my first name and always ask how I’m doing. Others barely make eye contact, and haven’t said a word to me in 2 years. You can guess who is going to get the better tips.

The size of the pot
This needs no explanation.

The amount of luck involved
If I win a $200 pot after being a 90% dog on the turn, the dealer’s getting a couple of redbirds, instead of the usual $2 or $3.

Miscellaneous external factors
Some players never tip the dealer. That is their prerogative and I would never make any comment about it. However, if I see a dealer has gone a long time without a tip, I will take extra good care of him should he push a pot my way.

Finally I wish to emphasize that there is no carryover to the next session. If a dealer has “cost” me $300 today, the slate is wiped clean for the next session. Naturally, this also applies to dealers that have been “good” to me.

And that, more or less, is the rationale behind my tipping philosophy.

Breaking the silence

There was an eerie tension in the air at my table last night, most likely due to 2 big pots and even bigger suckouts, separately involving 4 different protagonists. From seat 5, opposite the dealer and where everyone could hear, it was time for my schtick :

Me : Went for my routine check-up today.

Dealer : Is everything OK?

Me : Everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my arse!

Dealer : Well that's a normal procedure.

Me : So you don't think I should change dentists?

Tipping the dealer - III

Conversation that I have heard many times at the poker table :

Player 1 : Hey, the spades royal flush high hand jackpot is only $100. Last time I was here it was over $2,000. Who won it?

Player 2 : Big Al hit it last night. In fact our very own Dealer Dylan dealt it to him and only got a $10 tip.

Player 1 : Is that true, Dylan? You should've dealt it to me, you would've gotten $200.

Dealer Dylan (scowling) : I shouldn't really comment.


For those unfamiliar with the procedure, once a high hand is hit, the dealer shouts out "high hand" and counts down the deck, the floor comes over to visually verify the high hand, tells the dealer to push the pot and go on to the next hand. All the necessary paperwork, including tax forms if necessary, is handled by the floor, and when everything is ready the floor returns to the table with the payment and gives it to the dealer who then disburses it to the lucky winner (after finishing dealing the current hand). In a well run room, a high hand may cost a dealer 1 minute in lost dealing time.

So when dealer Jennifer Gay says "you're tipping for service, not for results", she is in the minority. Every dealer I've spoken to is more "results oriented", like Dylan.

Tipping the dealer - II

Thank you to those that commented in my previous post. It would appear that out of the 8 people who have expressed an opinion to date, a majority of 6 thought that a $1 tip would be appropriate, one person maintained that the dealer didn't deserve "a fucking penny", and one expressed doubts about the situation and preferred to remain on the sidelines.

From the outset let me state that tipping is a very personal matter and that there is no right or wrong answer for each and every situation. For the sake of simplicity let us assume there are 5 general categories of players :

1. Those that never tip.

2. Those that tip intermittently.

3. Those that tip $1 for each pot regardless of size.

4. Those that tip at least $1 depending on the size of the pot.

5. Mr Subliminal (to be defined).


As it happens, in this particular instance I did not tip the dealer. Yet, as I will show later, this dealer would have been better off having 9 Mr Subliminal's at his table than any of the other types.

One other thing. By definition, the "you're tipping for service, not for results" crowd must belong to category 3, no?

Tipping the dealer - I

This will be the first in a series of posts outlining my philosophy and methodology of tipping the dealer. I will start with an actual example that occurred tonight in an unnamed Strip casino.

Dealer X sits down when I have $300 in front of me, and shortly thereafter I call a shortstack's pre-flop all-in with my KK. He has KJo, making me a 91% favorite. The board runs out

9 8 7 T 4

and I lose $120 to his straight. A few hands later, I win a small pot for a $25 profit. How much should I tip the dealer?

Table talk

When I sit down to play poker, all I ask for is a quiet, peaceful session. I'm not interested in where you're from, or what you do for a living. If you mistakenly happen to ask me, I will ignore your question. If you persist, I will deliberately misinform and disinform.

So when the conversation last night turned to why I hadn't said a word in 4 hours, I finally broke my silence.

"I have a major worry."

"What?" they asked.

"I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster."

Ecological breakthrough?

An Australian company, Shark Attack Mitigation Systems (SAMS), has released new shark deterrent design technology that is applied to wetsuits to reduce the chance of shark attack.

Although sharks use a number of senses to locate prey, it is known that vision is the crucial sense in the final stage of an attack. By disrupting a shark's visual perception, an attack can either be diverted altogether or at least delayed to allow time to exit the water.

I can still recall the raised eyebrows as I traipsed into the Bellagio poker room last night dressed in one of these wetsuits. I can personally attest to the effectiveness of this new technology as I had my first winning session in 8½ months.

Know Thy Enemy

The venue : Aria 1/3NL

Pre-flop action : 5 players in an unraised pot

Flop : 9s 5s 3s

Post-flop action : I am the big blind holding As9d and lead out with a $10 bet. It is folded to the button, a young, aggressive "internet type" who raises it to $30. I call.

Turn : 9h

I make it $60, internet punk angrily mucks his 5d3d face-up and says "Nice catch, I had you on the flop."

Now I don't normally engage in any post-hand discussion, not even the customary "nice hand". I will occasionally rap the table when appropriate to acknowledge a well-played hand, and conversely have been known to mutter a subdued, barely audible "motherf*cker" when some drooling imbecile hits his gutshot on the river. This is in line with the philosophy of "mum poker" as espoused by Tommy Angelo, though some may legitimately argue that "barely audible" does not fall into this category.

From the punk's perspective, he sees me as a middle-aged, unsophisticated, unkempt loser, who probably hasn't read a poker book in his life. While this unfortunately is not entirely inaccurate, it's what I want him to think. Unbeknownst to him, I have spent years studying and profiling his internet-playing ass over at CardsChat, an online worldwide poker forum and community. I know what he thinks of me and how he plans to run over me at the table. I respect his knowledge of the game while he has already stereotyped me as an unimaginative nit, thereby affording me a huge advantage.

It is no secret that the transition from online to live play is a difficult one. Firstly, there is the issue of boredom, as witnessed by CardsChat thread titles such as "Live Grind: How to Not Fall Asleep at the Table" and "Tips for keeping concentration during live games?".

Then there is the absence of crutches such as the HUD display and tracking software. In a recent interesting thread  (March 2013) entitled "Playing Live Without Stats? How do you do it?", the opening poster asks  :

       "I am constantly amazed by the number of people who are
        entirely caught up with playing online using the various
        stats programs and such. I was really wondering how the
        heck you guys manage to play live at all.

        Anyone want to take a stab at how you would collect such
        stats playing live?"

Is it any wonder then that these hapless souls spend most of their time hunched over their smartphones, and then have to be prodded by the dealer when it's their turn to act?

Getting back to our hand, I'm sure most readers will have agreed that he did indeed have me on the flop. Well, think again. I was 51.8% to his 48.2% on the flop. Yes, I was ahead the whole time - surprising I know. So while it definitely rankled me to hear his totally unwarranted "nice catch", I refrained from responding. After all, I have a reputation to maintain.

Customer service

I'm losing pot after pot to this Aria regular who keeps sucking out on me. Meanwhile dealers Cody and Amy are fraternizing and laughing it up with the prick while he's stacking my chips. There's 2 more dealers that made my stiffing list. Who else is on the list? A few sycophants who vocally sucked up to the tourists who threw them a redbird or two immediately after they brutally sucked out on me. They should know by now where their bread is buttered.

Automatic sensor taps

The ritzy casino restrooms all have them now. You stick your hand under the tap and the water comes gushing out. 2 problems I have encountered are the water temperature and quantity. At the Aria, the water is so damn hot I defy anyone to keep their hands under there for more than 3 seconds without risking 3rd degree burns.

The other problem is the short length of a burst before you have to remove and reinsert your hands to reactivate the sensor. The Wynn takes the prize here with a record of 12 insertions necessary to complete humming "Happy Birthday" twice.

Head to the grindstone

Not much time for poker or any other activity, as I spend most of my waking hours studying about head lice. The course is very demanding with a 70% dropout rate. Hopefully my hard work will pay dividends.

Downtime

Lost my $100 buy-in in 6½ minutes leaving me 4 hours with nothing to do. Rather than work the rail and try scrounging up another buy-in, I utilized the time by visiting the roulette croupier whose leg was injured during my Big Six Wheel dealer audition. He will be leaving hospital in 1 week and, with intensive follow-up physiotherapy, thankfully will only be left with a slight limp. He was in remarkably good spirits and managed to comfort me as I tearfully sobbed about my earlier $100 loss.

When one door closes ...

Following the recent fiasco at my dealer audition, I am pleased to report that I have been accepted into a 3-month training course leading to certification as a fully qualified Head Lice Removal Technician.

Further updates to follow.

Career update

Last December I enrolled in an advanced 3rd year calculus class at UNLV, helping me overcome the theoretical difficulties I was facing in the Big Six Wheel dealer training curriculum.

Yesterday was the final exam and live audition. The exam went well, but owing to a bad case of nerves I botched up the audition by spinning the wheel so hard I actually dislodged the whole contraption from the floor, causing it to fall backwards into the adjoining roulette pit where it severely grazed a croupier in the leg. Amid all the chaos, I noticed that the now horizontal wheel had stopped on 5, and calmly made the corresponding payouts hoping that I could still ace the audition, but it wasn't to be.

Nanks for thothing

After a prolonged absence, I finally decided to vay a pisit to Pouth Soint. Chothing has nanged. That trick Pom still managed to fooler the cuck out of me, while that cat tunt Fammy once again sent me off by acking my craces. They both can buck my salty salls.

Can't You Hear Me Knockin'?

I get home with my free copy of Bluff Magazine and, as is my habit, immediately turn to Dr. Pauly McGuire's regular article, this time entitled "Can't You Hear Me Knockin'?".

I don my headphones, fire up the Stones' live performance of said song on YouTube, and enjoy the double pleasure of reading one of my favorite poker writers while listening to one of my favorite rock groups.

Buying some outs

As I'm wont to do on a Sunday afternoon, I am lying on my folding cot catching up on my poker reading. In her regular column in Poker Player (February 25, 2013), Barbara Connors writes about the concept of "buying outs". She does, however, make an error in the following paragraph :

Say you call to see a flop with A-7 of spades and the flop comes down J-8-3 with two spades. You have nine outs to the nut flush, which is pretty simple and straightforward, except that the flush is not the only draw you have going for you here. You could also hit one of the remaining three aces, which would give you top pair. Problem is, your top pair would be married to a mediocre kicker. If one of your opponents has a better ace, say ace-king or ace-queen, your three ace outs are tainted, because spiking an ace will only bring you heartache and an expensive second-best hand. But if you think a wellplaced raise can push this particular opponent out of the pot, you’re effectively buying three more outs for your hand, giving yourself a total of 12 good outs to win.

The first reader to correctly identify the mistake wins a free self-administered colonic irrigation.

Hand Analysis I

This will be the first in a series of posts where I will attempt to convey the incisive analysis that lies behind my decision making process during the play of a no-limit hold'em poker hand. The importance of maintaining a high state of vigilance, in order to detect the constant stream of clues being dangled in front of us, can not be overemphasized.

The following hand took place in a 2/5 game at the Aria on 2/10/2013. The game is fairly lively with a good amount of pre-flop raising and re-raising. Effective stacks are $500, and I am UTG+1 in seat 5.

UTG folds and I look down at 2 black aces. I immediately bite the inside of my cheeks and upper tongue so as not to display any manifestation of bliss.

While I pause and think about how much to raise, I notice that Seat 6 to my left, a 20-something internet punk replete with hoodie and headphones, is cutting out chips.

In the meantime, the dealer alerts me that blood is starting to flow out of the sides of my mouth. I must have bitten off a chunk of my tongue. However, I don't let this distract me as it should grow back.

I decide the best course of action is to just limp in and re-raise the punk when it gets back to me. So I timidly push in a redbird.

To my chagrin, Seat 6 just calls my $5 and then continues cutting out chips. How the hell am I supposed to know the prick has OCD.

It's folded to the middle-aged lady in Seat 9 who now starts freaking out and accuses me of being a vampire, but still manages a call.

"Towel on table 12," shouts the dealer as blood starts to drip onto the felt.

Both small and big blind call, and we see the flop 5-handed :

Ah 3h 3s

I am now starting to feel a little lightheaded, probably from the loss of blood. I peek again at my cards and to my dismay notice that they are now wet red aces.

"Towel on table 12," I shout.

It's a dangerous flop and I won't be lulled into a false sense of security. I have a boat but there are backdoor straight flush and quads possibilities. If someone has flopped quads then so be it.

It is checked to me. I start swaying to and fro, my head spinning like a top. My cards on the table in front of me are now barely visible and the chip used to protect them starts floating away.

With my last remaining strength I feebly announce "all-in".

All this is apparently too much for the lady in Seat 9 who faints headfirst onto the table. The dealer declares her hand dead and extricates the 2 cards from under her left cheek, but not before accidentally exposing them :

3d 3c

I manage to hang on till the pot is pushed my way and then pass out, just as the floor arrives with a towel.

One more for Snopes

Last June, there was a report in the Las Vegas Sun, together with accompanying photo, about a roulette wheel at the Rio hitting the number 19 an incredible seven times in a row.

Knowing that the odds of this happening are about 3 billion to 1, I immediately dismissed this and attributed it to some electronic malfunction.

Sure enough, the very next day a Rio spokesman told the paper, "There was no one playing at that table. It was just a diagnostic test being done."

In her latest column in Poker Player (February 11, 2013), Barbara Rogers writes :

A good friend of mine, Mike from Rhode Island, played in a game recently where the same player was dealt pocket aces four times in a row. What’s even more incredible is they were the same suit each time, ace of clubs, and the ace of diamonds. As hard as it is to believe, it’s true; you know anything can happen in this game of ours. The chances of it happening are comparable to: winning the lottery 5 times or getting struck by lightning three times in your lifetime. The chance of random aces three times in a row is 1 in 10,793,308. One players’ response to “ace man” was “there is no (f -in) way you have pocket aces four times in a row, I call!”

The chance of random aces three times in a row is actually 1 in 10,793,861 and, had this been the case, I could have believed the story. But the odds of being dealt the exact same hand 3 times in a row are about 2.3 billion to 1, so I have to call BS on Mike's yarn.

Keeping it together

I won't lie, I was literally LMAO when I read fellow poker blogger Stump's tweet last night.

Is that all you got?

Though they may temporarily sting me, they are the lifeblood of my upward sloping equity curve. I am referring to the never-ending array of inferior local wannabe players like the young sweet-looking bitch sitting in the 4 seat last night at Caesars who, while inflicting some initial damage to my stack with a ridiculous play meant more to impress a nearby friend than anything else, eventually left the table broke.

Freezeout at the Aria

Last night, the actual measured temperature in the Aria poker room was lower than the outdoor sub-freezing Las Vegas Valley. 6 dealers and 23 players were treated for frostbite and hypothermia, while several elderly locals were medevaced onto a waiting helicopter ambulance. I was fortunate to survive the ordeal by huddling under table 18, and was found by an enterprising St. Bernard.

The engineering department is looking into the matter.

The gift that keeps on giving

Not having fully recovered from Sal's Xmas present, I have now developed a lingering dry hacking cough and am once again bed-ridden. The last time I measured my temperature, it was 101.8. The doctor has put me on Azithromycin and Phenergan. I am coughing non-stop and cannot get any decent semblance of sleep.

The next time I see a dealer sniffling and snorting, I will notify the shift supervisor. I'm not talking about the occasional sneeze or sniffle. I'm referring to dealers with bright red, runny noses - for everyone's sake take the day off. I understand that missing a day hurts the pocket, but I'll be fucked if I'm going to go through this shit again.

Chris the #@!%

We've all got our favorite dreaded dealer. You know, the one that consistently manages to fuck up a good session. Mine is Chris, a pimply-faced youngish-looking lad who, without fail, sends me packing every time he sits in the box.

Now despite his horrific track record, I always think that this time will be different and never bother to leave the table when he shows his ugly face. "Give the cunt a chance, this can't last forever," I say to myself.

So once again tonight, not 5 minutes after he starts dealing, the prick conjures up a queen-high flop which is enough to get my AQ felted by a set of 5's.

You would think I'd learn by now.

A gift from Sal

Last week Venetian poker dealer Sal spent almost as much time blowing his nose into tissues as he did dealing the cards. So it came as no surprise when I contracted a severe cold a couple of days later and was confined to bed. After all, it is the Season of Giving.

New magic show opens at Venetian

I was privileged to witness the Xmas Eve premiere opening of "The Amazing Andrew", a magic show starring the talented Venetian poker dealer Andrew. Here's a preview :

Scene 1 : At 11:30pm I have $50 in front of me and it's only a matter of time before I will be walking out into the cold 35 degree Las Vegas night without a penny.

Scene 2 : Sensing my desperation, Andrew comes to my rescue and deals me As Ad. I can barely contain my excitement when an early position player (EPP) raises to $15. I quickly push my $50 across the betting line and EPP calls.

Scene 3 : EPP has Ah Qs and I am a 93% favorite. I breathe a sigh of relief and for the first time in 6 hours I finally lean back in my chair, ready to enjoy the show.

Scene 4 : With the flourish he is known for, Andrew deals out the dream flop : Tc 6h 6s. I am now 98% certain to double up, which in turn means a warm meal.

Scene 5 : This is when everything turns to shit. The room darkens with the spotlight on the board and Andrew's 2 hands. There is a drum roll and Andrew deals the turn : Jd. I lean forward slightly, inadvertently breaking wind. Not missing a beat, Andrew then delivers the coup de grace when he places the Ks on the river.
Magic. Pure fucking magic. This guy puts Copperfield to shame. And all this without even a sexy magician's assistant.

Final scene : As I exit the room cursing Andrew and his lineage, the curtain falls.

In good company

While sitting at a 2/5 must-move table at the Venetian yesterday, I noticed Collin Moshman in the 8 seat and Ed Miller in seat 10. I was sent to another table after 5 minutes so I didn't get a chance to witness their play. Still, what are the odds of finding 3 celebrated poker writers on one table?

Simon, Venetian dealer and missing link

One of the functions of this blog is to act as my personal safety valve. Ever since that apelike simian, Simon, set foot in the Venetian, he has dealt me a continuous stream of coolers, bad beats, crappy cards, and missed flops. It is wickedly uncanny and no dealer even comes close. This stuttering baboon has cost me thousands of dollars. Variance, it would seem, has long since been replaced by voodoo.

Tonight was no exception. Well, fuck you Simon and the evolutionary chain you rode in on.

WPBT

Last weekend, poker bloggers gathered in Las Vegas for the traditional winter WPBT get-together. I have been attending since the summer of 2005, but circumstances were such that I couldn't make it this time and tweeted my apologies to that effect.

However, I was fortunate enough to meet lightning36 who made the effort to come and see me.

Little GTO

There's an interesting thread on 2+2 about whether the top poker pros use game theory as part of their strategy. It appears that some do while others are blessed with an innate ability that acts as a substitute.

Today there are bots employing GTO (game theory optimal) strategies that could beat any human in heads-up limit hold'em (LHE). In the beginning of the thread, no less than Durrrr (Tom Dwan) issued a challenge whereby he was willing to take on any bot in LHE. There were a few takers but as of yet, Durrrr has not agreed.

No limit hold'em (NLHE), with its different betting structure, is a much more complex endeavor when it comes to programming a GTO bot. In fact, the largest game ever solved was checkers (2007), which took a team led by Jonathan Schaeffer nearly 16 years and involved 200 desktop computers. NLHE is more complicated than checkers.

Incidentally, Professor Schaeffer had this to say about solving chess :

"The number of chess positions possible (as calculated in several chess books, a couple of which are chess encyclopedias which probably quote from other sources) is greater than the number of atoms in the universe (assuming that it is 10-15 billion light-years in diameter). So roughly, the complete game tree would not fit on a computer the size of the universe. But, the entire game tree does not have to be on the computer at once. And many positions are not important. Some experts in artificial intelligence think that a very large computer (larger than any in existence, but certainly smaller than a planet) may be able to solve chess by calculating for a few thousand years, maybe for hundreds of years."

Better than a slowroll

I'm sitting in the 5 seat and a local to my right comes back with a visually appealing dish which he starts eating at the table. I ask him what it is and he gruffly replies "What's it look like?"

Hmmm, I have no idea and just say "Sorry for asking."

Shortly thereafter, he moves to the 2 seat, and about an hour later he is all-in against the 9 seat who calls. Shithead shows a set of 8's while the 9 seat tables 64 for a straight. Shithead gets up and leans forward as he has trouble discerning the winning hand at the opposite end of the table.

"Is that a straight?" he asks.

"What's it look like?" I chime in without missing a beat.

A chimp and a chair

After 495 days...

Full Tilt Poker officially reopened for real money play today at 12:00PM GMT (4:00AM PT). As was to be expected, there were some teething problems (cashier functionality, inability to login etc.), but this didn't prevent FTP from regaining number 2 spot with over 40,000 players online after a few hours.

As the countdown proceeded and with 15 minutes to go before FTP went live, one particular poster on 2+2 couldn't contain himself :

Full Tilt is ready to go

With worldwide re-launch slated for November 6, USA players will at least be able to enjoy the best poker software for play money only. I just downloaded and logged into Full Tilt, and found that Rush Poker is almost as addictive with play money.

Reviewing the Reviewer

Andrew "Foucault" Brokos, professional poker player, coach, and book reviewer, writes a very interesting article titled "Stop Worrying About Draws" in Card Player magazine (October 17, 2012), the gist of which is that just because there is a potential flush or straight draw on the flop, the likelihood of someone actually having such a draw is not as high as it would appear.

He shows how for different flops the number of possible combinations of potential draws are relatively small compared to the total number of actual possible combinations.

In doing so, however, he slips up a couple of times with his calculations.

"There are six times as many ways to be dealt 9-8 offsuit as 9-8 suited, though admittedly many players will fold the former to a raise."

This is clearly wrong. There are 16 combinations of any 2 different ranks, 4 of which are suited. So there are 3 times as many ways to be dealt 9-8 offsuit as 9-8 suited.

A little further on, Brokos states :

"Two-card straight draws are almost always less likely than two-card flush draws because they require two cards of a particular rank. Whereas any two of eleven remaining hearts (110 combinations) produce a nine-out flush draw on a Th 7h 2c flop, a player must hold one of four eights and one of four nines (16 combinations) to have an eight-out straight draw."

Once again he errs. There are 55 combinations, not 110. Nevertheless, his conclusion is still valid :

"Thus protecting your hand from straight draws is generally less important than protecting from flush draws."

All in all, a thought-provoking article.

Poker Hall of Shame X

At the Venetian, Myrna deals me AcKc and I end up in a pot with 2 other players. The flop comes

9s 9c Tc

It is checked around and the turn is

4c

But wait a minute! The imbecile who is first to act claims that he never checked. Myrna then calls the floor and explains that she didn't know he had a hand. Floor rules that the next (river) card will be the turn card and that the 4c will be shuffled back in the deck and a new river card will be selected. What happened to "significant action" having taken place?

Also note that the imbecile is in Seat 10, I am in Seat 1 and the last to act (LTA) is in Seat 2. So it's not as if I acted out of turn. I only checked when Myrna turned and pointed to me. Needless to say, Seat 1 rarely can see what Seat 10 is doing and relies heavily on the dealer for prompting.

New turn is 6h.

Imbecile checks, I check, LTA checks.

New river is 4d.

Check, check, check.

Both players table KTo and split the pot. Myrna sees my AcKc, sighs and apologizes to me. I say nothing.

Myrna was not paying attention and cost me money. A good dealer should know that there were 3 players in the hand. Had this occurred in Bobby's Room, it could have meant instant dismissal. I am not as critical of the floor decision as I am unfamiliar with the exact criteria for applying "significant action".

Beware of the hidden gutshot

I raise with AKs in late position and the big blind is the only caller. We see a flop of

A K 3 (rainbow)

Bingo! Pretty safe flop for me so let's slowplay this and not chase away our quarry.

BB checks as do I.

Turn is a harmless 2.

BB checks again so it's time to start trying to extract something from this hand.

I bet and get checkraised. WTF?! The bastard is surely making a play. Apart from a set, I don't see any other threat so I push.

BB insta-calls, river is a useless 8, and I am shown 54s for the wheel.

The House of Pain

It was rare to see so many grizzled veterans sitting at the poker table with their mouths agape, yet this is what happened at the Bellagio the other night.

Normal raised pot preflop with 2 protagonists, followed by a rainbow flop of K 7 3.

Postflop action was bet, raise, re-raise, all-in, call.

The board then ran out to (K 7 3) T J.

Following protocol, the called all-in sheepishly tabled AQ for the nut straight, while the other guy just stared in disbelief, throwing his AK faceup into the muck.

As the dealer was pushing the huge pot and before we all recovered, the young nerdy gentleman sitting next to me had already keyed in the hand into his smartphone app and whispered, "Geez, AK was 98.1% favorite on the flop!"

Yeah, that's sure to give me some comfort next time I get sucked out on when only a 93% favorite.

We chose this path

I have no one to blame for the sick feeling I have in the pit of my stomach but myself. The greasy sack of shit in the 2 seat who called my huge all-in raise with an open ender despite the terrible odds, and the prick of a dealer with a shaved head who so conveniently conjured up the requisite suckout card, are simply nausea-inducing lowlifes that come with the territory, and shouldn't really affect me. Yet every so often there is a perfect confluence of circumstances whereby my well-entrenched embracement of variance seems to vanish. Like at the Aria now.

Poker Hall of Shame IX

On Sunday I played for 6 hours at the MGM Grand poker room, not by any means a long session for me. They have a cheap, primitive, non-swivel, non-adjustable chair, the designers of which deserve to be publicly flogged. Today my buttock muscles were sore for the first time in the 10 years that I've been playing poker in Las Vegas. I'm walking around like I've shat myself.

Howard Lederer breaks his silence

The Lederer Files, a video interview Howard Lederer did with PokerNews, was released this week. The 7-part series can be seen on YouTube.

Throughout this whole saga, my policy has been to refrain from any serious commentary that could jeopardize the prospects of the players getting repaid, and I continue to keep the Full Tilt ad on my blog to this day. Anything I had to add was usually of a lighthearted nature. In keeping with this practice, I present some choice snippets from the Lederer Files :

A Big Thank You!

Without going into exact details (though it does involve a rather nasty bad beat), I dove headfirst into the Grand Canal at the Venetian late last night. I would like to personally thank Greg, the quick thinking and courageous young gentleman who jumped in and saved me from almost certain drowning.

Career update

Unfortunately, Big Six Wheel dealer training is proceeding at a very slow pace, much like the motion of the wheel itself. I have no problem with the physical aspects of actually spinning the wheel, nor with the payout calculations. However, I don't see why we have to master such advanced topics as angular velocity, acceleration and kinetic energy, and effects of friction, some of which require solving third-order nonlinear partial differential equations.

Colon hydrotherapy is starting to look good again.

Seven Deuce

Late night session at the Aria and someone suggested we introduce seven deuce to liven things up. Basically, this means that anyone winning with 72, either at showdown or through bluffing, gets paid an agreed-upon sum (in our case $10) by each other player.

The motion was unanimously adopted and naturally the dynamic of the game changed. There were several big pots where players holding 72 risked large amounts of money just to be able to table their bluff and reap the additional $80 reward. I wasn't so bold but did manage to win the $80 when I called a button raise with 72 in the BB, and took the small pot down on the turn.

Here is an example of a well-executed 72 bluff :





Sometimes, however, things get out of control :

Pass the Sugar

The Aria dealer notices that Seat 6 and Seat 7 are having a conversation in a foreign language even though they are not in a hand.

"English only at the table please," requests the dealer.

I crack up laughing, having already identified the "foreigners" as Australians as soon as they had sat down.

"We were speaking in English," responds one of the Aussies.

The dealer, a native-born American, still looks puzzled and, amid bursts of laughter, I assure him that it was indeed English.

Ex Libris Subliminalis

I have heard good things about these 2 books:

Quantum Poker by Derric Haynie and

Playing the Player by Ed Miller

and will soon be adding them to my collection. I find it best to wait for the second edition, which usually has fewer errors and typos than the first, not to mention the inevitable price reduction.

The debasement of poker terminology

"That's not a knife, THAT'S a knife!"

-- Crocodile Dundee

The other day I was on the giving end of a bad beat when I decided that my AKo was good enough to get involved in a preflop raising war between 2 other LAG's. We ended up all-in 3-handed with the following holdings (and preflop equity) :

LAG #1 : As Ah (93.1%)

LAG #2 : Ad Kc (3.6%)

Myself : Ac Ks (3.2%)

Much to the dismay of everyone present, I took down the huge pot with a club flush. THAT is a bad beat.

Matt Matros, a player with a strong math background who I highly respect, talks about his WSOP experiences in Card Player (August 8, 2012). He recounts a hand where his KK was all-in preflop against AKo and an ace came on the river. This is a 70:30 situation and on a bad beat scale of 1 to 10, I would give it a 5. Yet he refers to it as a "huge beat" and a "vicious beat". Later on he describes losing a preflop all-in with his A9o vs. QJo as a "bad beat". This is a 57:43 scenario, sometimes loosely referred to as a coinflip, hardly a bad beat.

Wendeen the teaser

US players with account balances on Full Tilt have been given more food for thought as to the prospects of seeing 100% of their funds with this teasing tweet by industry insider Wendeen Eolis. In her last tweet on this very subject, she spoke of a "cloudy forecast".

Schadenfreude and Planet Hollywood revisited

For reasons best left unsaid, I found myself playing poker for the first time in many years at Planet Hollywood on Friday night. I don't particularly like the "room" as it is just a roped off open area surrounded by drunk screaming girls and a generous oversupply of loud music. Communication between players and dealer is done through shouting and, when necessary, with sign language.

Tonight, 24 hours after the event, as I was reading grrouchie's blog I happenstanced upon a link to another blog and after some reading realized that I had actually played with this blogger on Friday night, although I didn't know it at the time. It was no other than Stump, a very amiable young fellow who was seated to my right. I have added his link to my blog list and suggest you take a look.

One lowlight was when I managed to get a straight flush which is normally rewarded by a $200 high hand bonus, provided there is at least $10 in the pot. I was heads-up with a young imbecile who, despite my obvious prompting and hinting, refused to call my $5 bet (which I would have gladly returned to him plus some) to bring the pot over $10, thus denying me the $200 bonus. I let him know my feelings in no uncertain terms, but as it so often happens with the mentally challenged, he couldn't comprehend what had just occurred and refused to acknowledge any wrongdoing or mistake on his part.

A couple of hands later, this very same cretin lost his $200 stack when his turned nut flush was rivered by a boat. As he sat there stunned, I vocally made it known that I was very pleased at the result by shouting "very, very nice hand" at least 4 times to the victor, standing up and applauding while doing so. Fuckstick then slowly left the table accompanied by some subtle, albeit crude, farewell parting shots from yours truly.

PokerStars settles with DOJ and acquires FTP

After many months of rumors, today (Tuesday, July 31, 2012) the online poker community finally received the official news it had been eagerly anticipating. PokerStars issued the following press release :

PokerStars today announced that the Company has reached a settlement with the U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ) Southern District of New York. As part of the settlement agreement, PokerStars has also acquired the assets of Full Tilt Poker, and has committed to the full reimbursement of Full Tilt Poker customers outside the United States.

The total amount to be paid by PokerStars is USD$547 million which will be payable over a period of three years. The money paid to the US Government will in part be used to reimburse former Full Tilt Poker customers in the United States, through a remission process to be administered by the Department of Justice. PokerStars repaid all amounts owing to its own U.S. customers shortly after it closed its U.S. operations.

PokerStars will also make available in a segregated bank account, all outstanding balances owing to all non-U.S. customers of Full Tilt Poker (an amount totalling USD$184 million), with no restrictions on withdrawals, within 90 days of completing this transaction. PokerStars has remained open for non-U.S. players, with all its licenses in good standing, without interruptions.

Under the agreement with the Department of Justice, PokerStars does not admit to any wrongdoing. Furthermore, the agreement explicitly permits PokerStars to apply to relevant U.S. gaming authorities, under both PokerStars and Full Tilt Poker brands, to offer real money online poker when State or Federal governments introduce a framework to regulate such activity.

PokerStars plans to re-launch Full Tilt Poker in most markets as a separate brand, following the appointment of a new, independent management team. Full Tilt Poker’s operations will continue to be run from Dublin, but regulatory oversight will be transferred to the Isle of Man. Further details of these plans will be announced shortly.

Intra-hand equity-mood swings

I have AhQs and call a young guy's pre-flop all-in. He tables Ac5d, making me the 72% favorite. Stoic discipline prevents me from showing any signs of elation. He appears disappointed.

Flop : As 7h 5c

The bastard outflops me and his 2 pair now makes him the 73% favorite. Stoic discipline prevents me from showing any signs of dejection. He appears ecstatic.

Turn : 7s

Bingo! His 2 pair is counterfeited and I catapult into the lead as the 87.5% favorite. Stoic discipline prevents me from showing any signs of euphoria. He appears crestfallen.

River : 7d

We split the pot and prepare for the next round.

Full Tilt PokerStars Deal Done?

Unconfirmed report from Wendeen Eolis that negotiations between PokerStars and DOJ are complete :

Breaking News: The ups and downs and glitches in negotiations between PokerStars and the United States Department of Justice with respect to Full Tilt Poker have come to an end.

Without giving away the identity of a consistently impeccable resource, it is now safe to say announcements for public dissemination are in the works. At this point I am ready to go out on a limb; FTP customers will see their monies well in time for Christmas shopping.

Poker Player Newspaper's print edition goes to press before I can provide further details, rest assured the story is a thriller that will be told.

WSOP leaves town

No need to phone in and put my name on the list. Vegas poker rooms are empty shells of their former selves. WSOP and Deep Stack flotsam, the source of many weeks of pre-flop all-ins, shameful calls, and exhausted chip runners, are now but a distant memory.

How much is that? WTF !?!?!

2/5 at the V. I pick up KdTd on the button and limp in with 2 earlier callers, to be joined by the SB and BB. 5-way unraised action with genial Joseph about to deal the flop and yours truly on the button; what could possibly go wrong?

The flop is Kh Jd 9d giving me top pair and the second nut flush draw, not to mention straight flush and gutshot straight draws.

It's checked around to me and I bet $20. Everyone folds except BB, a local regular who calls and has me covered.

The turn is 6d, giving me the 2nd nut flush. BB checks, I make it $45, BB calls.

The river brings a harmless 5s. BB checks again and I go all-in with my remaining $150.

BB looks at the chips I have just pushed across the line, and then asks Joseph, "How much is that?" As he counts out his chips, I am already mentally stacking the chips in the pot that are soon to be pushed my way.

As soon as BB calls and even before he slides his chips over the line, I immediately expose my hand, not wishing to prolong his agony any further. He looks at my cards and then turns over Ad3d, the nut flush.

I decide not to say anything at the table, get up and leave. 20 minutes later I catch up with BB, who is on a break away from the table. I shake his hand and say, "Nice hand. But when I'm all-in and you've got the nuts, why do you ask How much is that ?"

"I'm sorry, I made a mistake, I shouldn't have," he replied and repeated it again. I know this regular and accepted his apology.

My friend wants me to cash him out

I have never played a tournament at the WSOP because I don't play tournaments. And despite reports of juicy cash games, I have resisted the temptation to play any at the Rio. I have always felt that the Wild West atmosphere where thousands of unknowns, with a good sprinkling of vagabonds and ne'er-do-wells among them, are wandering around would not be a safe place to leave my chips unattended during a break. No casino is responsible for chips left on the table, but a regular at the Venetian or Bellagio would be better protected by the dealer, his fellow players, and the superior security and surveillance than that afforded by the transient crowd and staff, and carnival atmosphere at the WSOP.

So it came as no surprise when I read about the case of some guy making off with $20,000 in unattended chips from a cash game table at the Rio on Monday (25th June). "My friend wants me to cash him out," he claimed as he started racking up the chips.

They took reports from everyone but said that ultimately the player was responsible for his own money.

Playing to the crowd

A situation which I'm always looking out for is when a player is approached by a friend who will inquire as to how he is doing. After being updated, the friend will typically hang around for a few hands, standing behind the player who lets him peek at his hole cards.

When this occurs, I have noticed that this particular player may be prone to making some bold multi-barreling bluffs just to impress his friend. I have doubled up on several occasions in this type of scenario.

Liquidity provider

Facebook keeps on falling and is now 26.81. Luckily I didn't average down when I was tempted to. However, the shit has hit the fan, judging by this email from my broker :

Dear XXXXXXX,

Your account is $2,470 in arrears. The check that you forwarded has been returned unpaid.

Please make arrangements for payment of $2,470.

Sincerely,

YYYYYYY

If I sell now, I'll owe the broker about $600. I might as well hang on and owe him 4 times as much.

So, here is my emailed response :

Dear YYYYYYY,

This is highly embarrassing and I apologize for the misunderstanding. I cannot for the life of me imagine why my bank didn't honor the check.

I shall resolve this matter with the urgency it deserves.

Sincerely,

XXXXXXX

Hopefully that should hold them off for a few weeks. From a longer term perspective, I would be grateful if someone could stake me in one of the juicy cash games that are now being held all over town. It's either that or providing $5 handjobs behind the old bus station.

Averaging down

I should have realized that something was fishy when my broker accepted my theoretical $2,470 in G-Bucks and issued me 65 Facebook shares at 38. As mentioned in the comments to my last post, I was expecting to offload them at around 50 for a quick profit. Needless to say, they only briefly hit 45 and have been going down ever since, closing at 28.84 today.

Fortunately my broker is probably still buried in IPO paperwork and hasn't noticed the crudely photoshopped check I sent him, which honestly enough does clearly state that it is drawn on the Bank of G-Bucks.

Even though I have a $595 hole to fill in, I'm thinking of averaging down and purchasing another 65 at these levels. You see, I just remembered that I have some more funds at the Bank of Sklansky.

My roll < $38

The losing sessions continue. Everyone's running into the bottom of my range.

Despite my penury and destitution, I have calculated that I am up $2,470 G-Bucks for the year and will be providing my broker with an audited spreadsheet to this effect, hopefully persuading him to allocate me 65 Facebook shares in tomorrow's IPO.

Grim reminder

Each time I walk through, I can't help but notice that there's another tournament series at the Bellagio. I've sworn off tournaments ever since that fat cunt Joanne eliminated me deep in a $1,000 event at the 2005 Festa al Lago, when I was a 98% favorite on the flop.

Palms opens poker room and sports book

As part of a series of upgrades, a new poker room and sports book opened at the Palms today. Cantor Gaming will operate the hybrid sports book-poker room, the first of its kind in Las Vegas.

"A poker player folds eight or nine hands out of ten," Cantor Gaming CEO Lee Amaitis said. "They can watch the other players, but it gets boring. This way, they can bet on a game."

... and eventually join me at the shelter where it gets even more boring.

Hack away

Now that the forums at 2p2 are down owing to the recent hacking, I have had some time to delve into the archives. Fascinating stuff which shows how things have changed since 1997. Some quotes :

"On a related note the fear of flopping a small set when someone flops a bigger set is totally unfounded. I can't even remember the last time this happened to me."

-- Mason Malmuth, 18 August, 1997.

"I would be very surprised if the pot limit game in Oceanside has any problems. This is a major poker room and the game goes on a regular basis. However, with this being said my advice is to concentrate on limit play. That is where poker's future is anyway."

-- Mason Malmuth, 22 September, 1997.

GBT fails in bid, PokerStars to buy FTP

Announcement from GBT :

Groupe Bernard Tapie regrets to announce that, after seven months of intensive work, our efforts to obtain final approval of the United States Department of Justice of the agreement to acquire the assets of Full Tilt Poker have ended without success.

From 2p2 :

PokerStars has reached an agreement with the U.S. Department of Justice to buy FTP. The things I heard:

* All players will be refunded 100%
* Both sites back online
* Both sites have promotions
* Employees remain in both places

Expect more news today.

Breaking news, still developing.

Six Card Poker

Late one night on my way out of the Venetian, I stumbled upon a new table game, Six Card Poker. No-one was playing at the time so the dealer briefly explained the rules. Apparently it's a Shuffle Master variant of Caribbean Stud and has been open for about one month. Dealer and players each get 6 cards, with the players getting to see 3 of the dealer's cards before having to make any decisions. There is an ante bet (plus 2 other types) and the aim is make the best 5-card hand.

I searched the WizardofOdds site for any info but couldn't find anything. I'd be interested in knowing optimal basic strategy and the house edge. I could dedicate hours of analysis and simulations as an intellectual exercise, but am too preoccupied at the moment.

Addendum, May 4, 2012

The game has finally been analyzed here. If one wishes to indulge in negative expectation activity, then the low house edge (1.27%) makes it an attractive alternative to the other poker carnival games.

Happy Anniversary

Exactly one year since Black Friday, and nearly six years since Bill Frist, Jon Kyl, Jim Leach, and Robert Goodlatte inducted themselves into the dregs of society with the sneaky passing of the UIGEA.

Crunch time

Since dropping out of colon hydrotherapy school, I'm on the lookout for a new career path. Unfortunately I have a limited education and possess very few social skills. On the plus side, I have no criminal record that I'm aware of, and cannot afford to use any of the popular recreational drugs.

I may try dealing school.

Social climbing

Yesterday I experienced one of those rare dream sessions where I happened to be on the right side of variance. Top pair medium kicker holding up, a gutshot on the river. I was beside myself as I made my way to the cashier, clutching a stack of reds in each hand. And I have small hands.

Two hours later I was walking out of Wal-Mart, at long last the proud owner of a pot to piss in.

Limping with aces

lightning36 has a good post about limping with aces. I agree with him that there are definitely situations that warrant such a move.

I only play live cash games and I don't subscribe to any predefined set of rules, such as only limping a certain percentage of the time. On the extremely rare occasions that I actually do get dealt AA (last AA sighting was in the summer of '08), my aim is to maximize my expected profit (EV) from the hand. This will be dependent on, inter alia, my position with respect to both the button and other players, relative stack sizes, my image, game flow, meta game considerations, and other players' strengths and weaknesses.

So in some cases, maximizing EV will be equivalent to getting in as much money into the pre-flop pot as possible, though I'd prefer a lid on the number of opponents. Depending on the circumstances, this may entail either limping or raising. In other cases, maximizing EV may be more post-flop oriented, such as trying to trap another big stack, and, once again, limping or raising will be situation-dependent.

My new friend

As I inch towards total insolvency, I am really hoping for a speedy resolution to the FTP saga. 15% unemployment in Las Vegas certainly doesn't help either. Ever the optimist, I decided to adopt a dog from a local shelter last week. She's a great companion - here we are downtown :

GBT - FTP - FUD

The rollercoaster ride continues. It wasn't long ago (February 2) that legal and gaming industry consultant Wendeen Eolis thought the Group Bernard Tapie (GBT) - Full Tilt Poker (FTP) deal was in peril. This morning, after speaking to GBT counsel Behn Dayanim, she expressed renewed optimism.

Happy Birthday

The boys at the shelter threw me a surprise birthday party on Saturday. It was a catered affair held at the McDonalds on Fremont and Eastern. Afterwards, we caught the Deuce to Bellagio where we managed to pool together a $200 buy-in by cashing in some welfare checks, to the dismay of the well-coutured lady at the cage.

I then sat in on a $2-$5 table where, after 4 hours of tight play, I slowly built it up to $225. I wanted to quit and take a profit but the boys were adamant that I continue. The very next hand I looked down at what I thought were pocket aces, but in fact turned out to be the visually similar pocket fours. I have not had my eyes or spectacles checked for at least 5 years and it has occasionally caused me problems. Anyway, I went all-in pre-flop against someone fortunate enough to really have pocket aces.

6 sphincters collectively puckered up as the dealer laid out the flop :

4 4 A

I leaned forward, with my nose virtually touching the cards, to make sure it wasn't A A 4 and the rest is history. After redistributing everyone's original stake, it was unanimously decided that the $250 profit would be used for a vision test and new spectacles for yours truly. The dentist will have to wait.

Which reminds me

I've been putting off a visit to the dentist for 8 years now. Each time I manage to scrape up the necessary $150 copayment, I lose it in a big pot going in as a 70:30 favorite.

The horse above is Black Caviar, an Australian Thoroughbred champion sprinter.

Poker Hall of Shame VIII

If you want attitude and unwarranted haughtiness, you need look no further than Yan, poker dealer at the Venetian. Her table talk makes it patently obvious that she hasn't attended any internal customer relations courses. Judging by other players' reactions, she continues to inflict further brand damage when playing after her shift.

Shortest poker books ever written

There's a thread on 2p2 titled "Shortest poker books ever written". Here are some of the better ones :


I Can't See My Cards Over These by J. Tilly

Playing Trip Deuces by Peter Eastgate

Putting Opponents on Tilt: Aggressive Table Talk for Champions by Erik Seidel

Home Security Systems by Jonathan Duhamel

Balancing Poker and Family Life by Sam Grizzle

Enjoying Salads by Greg Raymer

Bankroll Management by Archie Karas

Every Hand Revealed - 3 Handed at the Final Table by Ben Lamb

A Pro's Guide to Chip Handling and Advanced Chip Tricks by Martin Staszko

Things I Love about Northern Europe by Phil Hellmuth

Reading Physical Tells by Hal Lubarsky

Internship my arse

Spotted this ad in craigslist about an online poker magazine wanting some naive intern to "research and write" 5 articles a month for no pay. Have these people no shame?

Even I am fallible

For the record, I misplayed a hand post-flop yesterday.

I am SB with AQ of spades, the flop is A J 3 rainbow with one spade. I bet and button calls.

The turn is a 6 of spades. I bet half pot and the button raises to 4 times my bet. I call.

The river is a brick, I check, button bets and I fold.

Hit me

I found a copy of Casino Player Magazine (November, 2011) in a Strip poker room. It contains the usual articles about how to improve your chances at winning in such negative EV games as blackjack and the slots, and, not surprisingly, is replete with ads from casinos and gaming companies.

One particular article, "Blackjack Etiquette" by Managing Editor Rob Wiser, states that basic strategy is the mathematically correct way to play every possible hand. He then goes on to say :

Hit that 16 against the dealer's 10, as much as it may scare you, and, more often than not, you will win the hand.

Wrong!!! You will lose the hand more often than not. However, you will lose less by hitting than by standing (so hitting is better). And that's assuming late surrender is not an option.

The Interpretation of Dreams

Last night I wake up in a sweat. Another recurring nightmare where I'm all-in and have no cards.

FTP and GBT reach agreement

Subject: Poker just broke the latest news in this complicated saga. Looks like progress.

Subject: Poker can now confirm that Full Tilt Poker and Groupe Bernard Tapie have executed an agreement to further the transfer of FTP’s assets to GBT. This agreement was necessary to pave the way for the US Department of Justice to take possession of the assets voluntarily being forfeited by Full Tilt.
...
...

Sources have confirmed that Laurent Tapie appeared personally in Dublin today and spoke to the employees about the hurdles already jumped and those still ahead.

The next key step will be for the actual forfeiture(s) to the DOJ, and the DOJ’s dismissal of the civil charges against the FTP companies. It is believed that these steps will take place shortly.
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Tat funt Camara seals my fate

Busted out of the South Point freeroll without making it to the final day despite my having a well above average starting stack. I was card dead all night, endured many coolers, with the final coup de grace delivered during that tat-assed fitch Bamara's down when, without the aid of a sigmoidoscopy, she successfully managed to pull a 9 out of her well-endowed arse to give my all-in opponent a set which cracked my queens and crippled me.

Poker rooms must remain competitive

Brick and mortar poker rooms can no longer take their clientele for granted. They must compete by offering freerolls, hourly comps and, of late, cash back. Wynn is offering $50 cash back for every 25 hours of live play, while the Tropicana will pay $7 per hour for the 3 hours between 4pm and 7pm. All this in addition to the hourly comp rate. South Point, the M, and the Station rooms are among many that have generous freerolls.

High hand jackpots, which come from the player subsidized $1 per pot, are no longer considered a perk. The rooms will have to start digging into their own pockets to return a proportion of the rake in the form of freerolls and cash back. After all, players are the ones subsidizing dealers' wages in the form of tips, and now rightfully expect something substantial in return for their patronage and loyalty.

I spy

Latest sightings at South Point poker room : Jose Canseco, Karina Jett, Paul Magriel, Burt Boutin.

Relocation

Temperatures are starting to plummet here in Vegas forcing me to seek alternative lodgings. A shopping cart and 6 square feet under an I-15 overpass won't cut it anymore. Hopefully I'll find something suitable before the WPBT bloggers hit town.

Breaking news : GBT and DOJ Strike Deal

Subject: Poker has just published the story "that Groupe Bernard Tapie and the US Department of Justice have come to terms that allows GBT’s acquisition of Full Tilt Poker to continue. If FTP’s current shareholders agree to acquisition of their company, this deal with the DOJ will provide for payment of all players worldwide..."

"... Final details are still being worked out between GBT and the US Attorney’s Office for the Southern District of New York. Subject: Poker hopes to be able to report the full terms of the deal in the coming days. Once this is complete, Groupe Bernard Tapie will be able to propose a deal to acquire Full Tilt Poker directly to its shareholders. Members representing two thirds of ownership interest must vote to approve any such deal.

Subject: Poker has confirmed from numerous sources that, if shareholders agree to GBT’s proposal, Groupe Bernard Tapie will assume responsibility of Full Tilt’s debt to non-US players and the US DOJ will set up a fund to repay US players. We do not know at this time what the timeline for such repayment will be.

If current FTP shareholders agree to the sale, GBT can move on to licensing, making the new company one step closer to launch."

Even more pain at South Point

Just got back from a session where I lost a $1,300 pot when that impotent sack of shit dealer Tom from Buffalo managed to find one of the 7 remaining spades in the deck on the river, with 2 guys both drawing to a spade flush against my flopped nut straight.

Of course one shouldn't be blaming the dealer, but after all the tips that I've left them, I feel justified in cursing him out a bit. From now on, even though it will be against my nature, I will refrain from tipping any South Point dealer for an indeterminate period of time. No more enjoying my generous profit sharing plan without participating in the losses.

And if any of you want to defend these cunts, most of whom I actually really like, please comment. I know my position is intellectually untenable. In fact "Blame the dealer!" is sarcastically bandied around as a counter argument whenever someone invokes my stance. But for the moment, fuck them and the horses they rode in on.


Edited Postscript (October 30) :
The "indeterminate period of time" that I refrained from tipping South Point dealers lasted about 15 minutes i.e. just after I had won my first pot in the next session. As I said, it is against my nature not to tip. And I like the dealers, with Tom being among my favorites. I was thinking of deleting the above post, but am keeping it up to highlight the immediate emotional impact a brutal session has on me.

Bore mad beats at Pouth Soint

Pissed out on a big mot when my aces were cracked by all-in kings. Bickhead Dobby was responsible for the hankroll biccup. For the dain they pish out, these dealers should be tuggered up the ass not bipped.

South Point bad beat jackpot

At 12:50am (about 3 hours ago), the $50,000 South Point bad beat jackpot was finally hit. I was playing $1-$2 NLHE on Table 11 with John dealing, when seat 1 (8s 8h) and seat 4 (9c 9s) had the good fortune of mixing it up on the following board :

8h Qc 9h 8c 9d

Seat 1 got $20k, seat 4 $10k, and the 84 folks in the room, myself included, received $239 each.