Tuesday, February 20, 2018

A free man at last

I apologize to my readers for not having posted in such a long time. Unfortunately I was incarcerated for 2 months on a trumped-up assault charge brought by MGM and the Nevada Gaming Commission.

Last December, I was getting seated in a $1/$3 game when the dealer asked if I had a players card. I had barely finished arranging my chips on the table when, to my great consternation, he repeated the same question. I immediately pulled out my MLife card and flung it at him so hard that it cracked the left lens of his eyeglasses, and then ricocheted off into the neck of the service dog in Seat 1's lap, causing it to bite the dealer in the groin.

I tried getting legal representation from famed attorney Pete P. Peters, but he was too busy attending a convention at MGM National Harbor, so I was stuck with some rookie from the Public Defender's Office, hence my 60 days behind bars.

Fellow blogger lightning36 was the only one who knew about my plight, and did visit me in jail while he was here in Vegas. I also appreciate the fact that he didn't reveal any of the embarrassing details in his latest blog trip reports.

Thursday, November 30, 2017

Finally landed a job and then lost it in 1 hour

This morning I started working at Walmart as a greeter. About 25 minutes into my first day on the job, a very loud, decidedly unattractive, and inappropriately dressed woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

Here is her picture:

As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to Walmart."

I then said, "Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling at the children just long enough to say to me, "Of course they aren't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's only 5. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just fucking stupid?"

I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, ma'am. I just couldn't believe someone would fuck you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Walmart".

My job search continues.....

Saturday, October 28, 2017

Bellagio abolishes mandatory posting

In a recent surprising development, the Bellagio poker room has ditched its 19-year-old rule whereby a new player in the non-time-raked games had to post a blind in order to receive cards.

The decision came into effect at noon yesterday (Friday), and brings Bellagio in line with all the other rooms in town.

Sunday, October 22, 2017

Crabby Cornelia

If there were a competition to find the grouchiest female poker dealer in Las Vegas, my nomination would be Cornelia from the Bellagio. I have yet to see that ugly cunt smile once.

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

I'm still here

It's been a while since I posted. I can't seem to muster up the enthusiasm I once had for poker. Losing $40 buy-ins at the Excalibur is starting to wear on me. It can take weeks for me to rustle up $40.

On top of all that, my job search is proving both frustrating and fruitless. I applied for the position of dancing dealer at Planet Hollywood,  and was politely told they were only looking for female applicants. Well-known attorney, Pete P. Peters, is filing a gender discrimination lawsuit against Caesars Entertainment on my behalf.

On the home front, our shelter is undergoing renovations, so they've put us up temporarily in  an underground bomb shelter just south of Area 51. It makes for a nice change, but for some unknown reason my hair is starting to fall out. How much does a used Geiger counter go for these days?

Monday, October 02, 2017

Together and stronger

Thursday, June 29, 2017

My worst bad beat ever

The day was last Saturday, June 24, 2017, the venue was the Bellagio poker room, the game 1/3, and the dealer was Austin. It wasn't a huge pot moneywise as I only had about $200 in front of me, but it will be one I'll never forget.

I was in the big blind with 9h9s, and called a $15 UTG raise together with 3 others.

The flop was 9c 9d Tc.

I flopped quads and it was checked around.

The turn was 6c, and being the first to act, I checked again, hoping someone caught a draw  or better and would bet. It wasn't to be and it was checked around again.

When Austin placed the 7 of clubs on the river, I knew that he should have chosen a career in magic rather than dealing.

I bet $50, all folded to the button, who had me covered and who went all-in. Not being in the habit of folding quads, I called and was shown 8c8s for the straight flush. Even though Bellagio does not have a bad beat jackpot,  thankfully this hand would not have qualified as both cards have to be used.

Summarizing, I was a 99.7% favorite on the flop, and this was the first time I've lost with quads. This is not the worst beat possible on the flop - 99 vs AA on a 995 flop is a 99.9% favorite against an ace on the turn and river - but I'm sure I'll eventually be dealt one of these as well once Austin has some more time to hone his skills.