2008 - New Year, New Hope

My poker career hinges on Dan Harrington's new cash game books coming out in early 2008. Hopefully he will provide the necessary impetus to turn things around. I will be looking for fresh ideas, new strategies and, more importantly, the princely sum of $29.99 for its purchase.

The gradual decay of my bankroll during 2007 is elegantly captured in the following 3-dimensional curve:

TOC and Toches

Congratulations to Julius_Goat and Fuel55, the winners of Write Your Way To Australia. They join 25 other bloggers to battle it out in the TOC (tonight 22:00 ET) for the $18,000 Aussie Millions prize package. Good luck to all and thanks to Al and Full Tilt.

Things were looking up both literally and figuratively yesterday when my proctologist placed a large order for message pads (see previous post).

Padding the bankroll

I have been extremely busy with my latest venture into the online marketing of low end office stationery. Initially I will concentrate on the message pad niche. Here are 2 samples of my merchandise:

Aussie Millions

Tuesday, November 13, 2007
It's taken me 3 weeks, but I've raised the $11 entry fee for tomorrow night's Mookie. I had to compromise my high moral standards and call in a few favors, but with so much on the line I didn't have a choice.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007
I finish 17th in the Mookie after Mike_Maloney's queens crack my aces, crippling both my stack and my chances of qualifying for the Tournament of Champions. I am crestfallen.


Thursday, November 15, 2007
Not wishing to face the harsh reality of missing out on the Aussie Millions, I try hanging myself, but crash to the ground prematurely when some loose scaffolding gives way. I escape with a bruised wrist and lacerations to the neck and groin.

Friday, November 16, 2007
St. Luke's Shelter presents me with a $750 bill for damage to their infrastructure, which I promptly readdress and send to Mike_Maloney.

As there is no chance of me raising another $11 entry fee, I have to qualify via "Write Your Way to Australia".

Saturday, November 17, 2007
I awake truly inspired having dreamt of a fascinating story that will surely be a winner. I scramble around looking for a pen and some paper, but come up empty handed. By the time I find a writing pad, the dream has evanesced and is but a vague and foggy memory.

Saturday, November 24, 2007
A week passes and I have made little progress. If there ever was a time not to come down with a severe case of writer's block, this was it.

Monday, November 26, 2007
I desperately need some inspiration. The thought of watching a rerun of Crocodile Dundee crosses my mind, but I settle on calling the Australian Consulate in Los Angeles. I inquire about golfing conditions in Melbourne around January. They are not amused.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Today I finally give up on writing my way to Australia. Like any good poker player, however, I have a contingency plan.

Thursday, November 29, 2007
I am first in line when the public library opens its doors. I race over to the librarian and reserve my 30 minutes of internet access. After about 10 minutes of frantic googling, I find 3 ocean cruises leaving the West Coast in December and arriving in Melbourne before January 14th, 2008.

Friday, November 30, 2007
I call the cruise line companies, asking if they have any vacancies for crew members. "What can you do?" they ask. I tell them I can play poker and wash dishes. The first 2 companies hang up on me, but luckily the last one exhibits some interest. I make an appointment for next Tuesday at their LA office.

Monday, December 3, 2007
I trudge along the I15 trying to hitch a ride to LA. After about 20 minutes I am picked up by a Metro police cruiser and escorted out of the city boundaries. They warn me not to return but I still thank them profusely. A passing truckie takes pity on me and it is not long before we are stuck in gridlocked LA traffic. Four hours later I check in at St. Joseph's shelter where I spend the night.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007
I arrive at the cruise line office and impress the interviewer with my technical knowledge. There just remains the formality of a practical exam which I breeze through, washing 100 greasy plates in 7 minutes.

"We have a ship leaving tomorrow, sailing through Fiji and a couple of other islands, arriving in Melbourne on January 11th. Can you start?"

Wednesday, December 5, 2007
I am on board the Mariposa, sharing a small cabin with 15 other galley hands. Gus Hansen, watch out!

Thursday, December 6, 2007
Sea sickness takes its toll on me. On more than one occasion I have to be physically restrained from jumping overboard.

Monday, December 10, 2007
I finally start to settle into ship life. We work a 12-hour shift and then are free. I violate company policy and sneak into the casino. I play $1-$2 NLHE against the wealthy passengers and make $445 in 4 hours.

Sunday, December 16, 2007
We dock in Fiji for a 3 day stay. I finally have some money to my name and rush out to buy a pair of sunglasses and a deck of cards. I spend the afternoon sipping coffee and writing a postcard to Mike_Maloney.

Monday, December 31, 2007
I spend New Year's Eve playing $1-$2. My bankroll is now $1,430. The plan is to satellite into the Main Event and I'll need more than 1 shot. As the clock strikes midnight, I breathe a sigh of relief that we haven't hit an iceberg yet, temperate waters notwithstanding, nor encountered a rogue wave.

January 11, 2008
Port Phillip Bay at last. We dock in Melbourne and my time spent playing poker has paid dividends when I am invited to be a guest of a wealthy Florida couple who are staying at a luxury suite in the Crown Casino.

I take a shower and gaze out at the breathtaking Melbourne skyline - the Yarra River, the office buildings, the lush verdant parks, and the trams making their way down St. Kilda Road. At the behest of my hosts, Marvin and Barbara, we go down to the hotel shopping arcade in an urgent bid to purchase some minimal and acceptable clothing for myself. I end up spending most of my $1,825 bankroll on clothing and shoes, but not before Marvin promises to stake me in the Main Event.

January 12, 2008
We visit the Botanical Gardens. As I reach out to hand feed a passing swan, my $300 Italian shoes slip and I fall into the lake. It's a hot 93 degrees outside so I dry off fairly quickly. Back in the room, I once again admire the view as I await Crown's 1-hour laundry service.

January 13, 2008
The Full Tilt contingent arrives and I bump into Howard Lederer. I apologize. There is excitement in the air, with press and photographers all over the place. I watch the satellite events, content in the knowledge that I have already secured my precious entry.

I have no idea who won the blogger's Tournament of Champions as I was on the Mariposa at the time. Upon inquiring, I am told that it was Mike_Maloney who naturally is part of the Full Tilt entourage.

January 14, 2008
I am nervous as I stand in line to register for the tournament. Marvin is nearby to reassure me and keep a close eye on the $10,000 cash I clutch in my sweaty palms.

I am seated at table 27, seat 5. Eric Seidel is in seat 7. I don't recognize any of the other players. The gentleman in Seat 4 turns to me with extended hand and exclaims "Mike Maloney, pleased to meet you!" Completely surprised, I break wind. After collecting myself, I deem it prudent not to reveal my identity.

A loud "Shuffle up and deal" resounds through the tournament hall as a record 858 entrants await the opening hand. I am dealt 5c5d and limp in early position. All fold to the button who calls, as do the blinds. The flop comes

5s 4s Td

The pot is now $200, the blinds check so I lead out with a $150 bet. Everyone folds except the button, a local lad from Nunawading, who calls. The turn is

5h

Quads!!! I shoot a pained glance at Nunawading and ask if he's made his boat. It's a wasted effort as he can't hear me, with his earphones blasting out a techno digitalized version of Waltzing Matilda. I hollywood around for another minute and then check. He checks. The river is

8s

Hopefully the bastard's hit his flush. I can bet now so I make it $300. He raises it to $1,000. I am about to reraise him when pictures of the first hand of the 2005 WSOP between Sammy Farha and Oliver Hudson flash through my mind. What are the chances that he has 7s6s? I reraise to $3,000 and he goes all-in. I put him on pocket tens and call. He flips over 7s6s. Before the pain can sink in, TV cameras and photographers make a beeline for table 27, accompanied by shouts of "First one out! First one out!" I sit there stunned, numb and motionless, staring at the ugly board as the cameras whirl and flash.


January 27, 2008
I move to Florida, having accepted Marvin's generous offer of employment as a live-in butler, and am no longer homeless.

Mike_Maloney went on to win the Aussie Millions after an epic heads-up battle with Phil Ivey. He paid off St. Luke's and we are good friends.

Still recovering

The 2007 World Poker Blogger Tour (WPBT) Winter Classic saw scores of bloggers invade Las Vegas for a weekend of poker, drinking and contemplation. Apart from wholesale cash game donkfoolery, I played in the Friday night MGM mixed games and of course in the Main Tournament at the Venetian on Saturday which Joaquin took down. I was eliminated somewhere in the middle when my 5's were brutally cracked by Kat's 8's.

It was nice meeting up with the gang and even though I did acquaint myself with many new faces, there were those whom I didn't get the opportunity to meet. Kudos to Falstaff for the organization and thanks to everyone (too many to mention by name) for the great time.

2007 drawing to a close

We put the Xmas tree up yesterday.

Ivy League November

If you've been following this blog, you may have suspected that I ended October with a zero bankroll and a conspicuous absence of backers. On October 30th I was contacted by a Harvard University statistics professor, whose specialty is time series analysis and forecasting. He had been following my monthly progress and apparently had modelled my equity curve using spectral analysis, and was using it as part of an undergraduate course he was teaching. Not wishing to interrupt the "flow of data" and knowing I was broke, he offered to put up $7,200 for November, predicting that it would last me exactly 26 days based on my previous playing patterns and table limits. In fact he calculated 7 different time series which would most likely simulate my bankroll, and was so confident in his forecasting model that he offered to let me keep any money left after 26 days.

The following chart shows his 7 likely outcomes, with my actual results in thick red. Uncanny, eh?

Thanksgiving

We give thanks to iceballgofish and all the other jackasses who, with their generous infusion of both money and mediocrity, keep the online poker economy afloat. We give thanks.

2 cents worth

Realizing that I had still not participated in any of the Battle of the Blogger Tournaments, I spent most of yesterday frantically trying to sell 50% of myself for the near approaching Mookie. I managed to convince 5 derelicts to put up the $11 entry fee and, after finishing in 17th place for an $11.20 payout, am pleased to report that they each made 2 cents profit on the deal. I could have finished much higher but for the following hand, where my aces were cracked on the river by Mike_Maloney's queens.




I lost most of my stack, but at least am consoled by the fact that the villain went on to win the event. I also enjoyed the music and guest commentary on Buddy Dank radio, despite the repeated exhortations for silence by a very agitated librarian.

Bodonkey tonight

Recognition at last

I am both humbled and honored to announce that my Violin Concerto No. 3 in D Flat will be added to the Fountains of Bellagio Music List. Those who have visited Las Vegas are familiar with the stunning nature of this unprecedented aquatic accomplishment.

Unbeknownst to many, I do have other interests apart from poker and community service, the foremost being musical composition. The opening piece of my concerto, a two-handed pizzicato, is shown below:

Clearing up the desk

Dillo thought he'd ruin my weekend by tagging me. I hereby present the rules of the game :

A). Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog...
B). Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself...
C). Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs...
D). Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

I have no intention of doing anyone the disservice of tagging them, but will reluctantly disclose 7 random facts about myself:

1) I suffer from randoskaphobia, a morbid fear of revealing random facts about myself.

2) I am left-handed.

3) I can pick my nose with both hands.

4) I have never used scissors, clippers or any other instrument to cut my toenails. I use my fingernails to do the job.

5) I like poppy seed cake.

6) I often repeat myself.

7) I can pick my nose with both hands.

Light at the end of the tunnel?

I was hoping October would be the month I finally emerge from my downward slump. Alas, it was not to be. I am currently poring over the stats to see if I can identify any areas of weakness. I am also looking for new backers.

Aristocrat Gaming - expired domain name?

One of the major players in the gaming industry is Australian based Aristocrat Gaming. I make it a habit to regularly visit their website (as I do the others) to keep abreast of any developments in the gaming world. Tonight, however, it seemed that they had let their domain name expire on 10/20/2007, as I was apparently redirected to Network Solutions' site. Or could it be related to this?

The Importance of Table Selection

Please add loupoul to your donktard watchlist. Joining a table with any of these half-wits already sitting there is table selection at its finest. You will experience the occasional suckout, but when the dust settles be sure to turn up the speakers to catch the last braying sounds of their avatars as they inevitably leave the table penniless.



Full Tilt Poker Game #3864877320: Table Harwood - $0.25/$0.50 - No Limit Hold'em
Seat 1: Frogmom09 ($50)
Seat 2: loupoul ($32)
Seat 3: TheTalisman ($12.25)
Seat 4: samlucky1 ($66.05)
Seat 5: NDirish80 ($54.55)
Seat 6: MrSubliminal ($41.35)
Seat 7: SFBayPokerDcom ($53.90)
Seat 8: Meijeroen ($49.25)
Seat 9: Zuluhed ($24.55)
MrSubliminal posts the small blind of $0.25
SFBayPokerDcom posts the big blind of $0.50
The button is in seat #5
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to MrSubliminal [5d 5h]
Meijeroen folds
Zuluhed folds
Frogmom09 folds
loupoul calls $0.50
TheTalisman folds
samlucky1 folds
NDirish80 folds
MrSubliminal calls $0.25
SFBayPokerDcom checks
*** FLOP *** [Jh Td 8s]
MrSubliminal checks
SFBayPokerDcom checks
loupoul has 15 seconds left to act
loupoul checks
*** TURN *** [Jh Td 8s] [5s]
MrSubliminal checks
SFBayPokerDcom checks
loupoul bets $1.50
MrSubliminal raises to $6
SFBayPokerDcom folds
loupoul calls $4.50
*** RIVER *** [Jh Td 8s 5s] [Qc]
MrSubliminal bets $13.50
loupoul raises to $25.50, and is all in
MrSubliminal calls $12
*** SHOW DOWN ***
loupoul shows [Kh 9h] a straight, King high
MrSubliminal mucks
loupoul wins the pot ($61.50) with a straight, King high
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $64.50 | Rake $3
Board: [Jh Td 8s 5s Qc]

Gin Rummy - where Stuey Ungar started off

The following is a paid review :

"In mid-1960s a Las Vegas-based Gin Rummy tournament was promoted by mailing flyers to players. The post office objected on the grounds that it was illegal to promote a "game of chance" (a lottery) through postal services. This case ended up in court. After listening to the testimony of experts that included statisticians and several prominent players, the US District Court of Las Vegas on February 23, 1965, ruled that Gin Rummy is indeed a game of skill."

(from "How to Win at Gin Rummy", Pramod Shankar, Ph.D., First Carol Publishing Edition, 1997, page 76.)

Gin Rummy is recognized as a game of skill, so much so that even PayPal is an accepted form of payment at RummyRoyal, the top site to play online Rummy games. (For the 8 US states which currently do not approve of skill-based real money tournaments, only practice mode is available. Please check with your legal jurisdiction.)

RummyRoyal brings you the first online Gin, Kalooki (Kaluki) and Traditional Rummy rooms! They offer real money ring games and tournaments as well as free games, assuring you are provided with the ultimate gaming experience.

Not familiar with a particular variation of Rummy? No problem! Comprehensive and well-designed tutorials are available to guide you through the basics of each game. Even I could pick it up.

RummyRoyal is the first and only online Rummy community where you can experience a real multiplayer online Rummy game with sessions of up to four players at a time. Join thousands of players from all over the world in exciting real money multiplayer ring games and tournaments. And don't forget to check out their promotions!

Battle of the Blogger Tournaments II

Impresario Al has certainly outdone himself with the latest Blogger Tournament setup, featuring some incredible prizes from Full Tilt. Read more about it here.

Bob Lassiter

Bob Lassiter (September 30, 1945 - October 13, 2006)




A year has passed. I'll never forget you, tampa, my good, close, personal friend.

Shhhh!!

As you all know, I mainly play live poker. This is because I have no internet access at the shelter, and needless to say I don't own a PC or laptop. In fact I have maintained this blog by regularly posting from a public library, no small feat I can assure you. I wish to take this opportunity to thank the kind staff at the Sunrise Library for their support over the last few years.

So if you are a blogger and reading this, chances are high that it's not from a public library. If that's the case, I encourage you to take part in Bodog's Poker Blogger Tournament in which Bodog is adding a total of $600 in bonus money.

Date : October 9, 2007 (and each Tuesday through November 6, 2007)
Time : 8:35pm ET
Tournament Name: Online Poker Blogger Tournament
Entry Password: bodogblogger
Buy-in + fee: $10 + $1

Blogger Freeroll

I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker!
This Online Poker Tournament is a No Limit Texas Holdem event exclusive to Bloggers.
Registration code: 3936578