Poker Hall of Shame VIII

If you want attitude and unwarranted haughtiness, you need look no further than Yan, poker dealer at the Venetian. Her table talk makes it patently obvious that she hasn't attended any internal customer relations courses. Judging by other players' reactions, she continues to inflict further brand damage when playing after her shift.

Shortest poker books ever written

There's a thread on 2p2 titled "Shortest poker books ever written". Here are some of the better ones :


I Can't See My Cards Over These by J. Tilly

Playing Trip Deuces by Peter Eastgate

Putting Opponents on Tilt: Aggressive Table Talk for Champions by Erik Seidel

Home Security Systems by Jonathan Duhamel

Balancing Poker and Family Life by Sam Grizzle

Enjoying Salads by Greg Raymer

Bankroll Management by Archie Karas

Every Hand Revealed - 3 Handed at the Final Table by Ben Lamb

A Pro's Guide to Chip Handling and Advanced Chip Tricks by Martin Staszko

Things I Love about Northern Europe by Phil Hellmuth

Reading Physical Tells by Hal Lubarsky

Internship my arse

Spotted this ad in craigslist about an online poker magazine wanting some naive intern to "research and write" 5 articles a month for no pay. Have these people no shame?

Even I am fallible

For the record, I misplayed a hand post-flop yesterday.

I am SB with AQ of spades, the flop is A J 3 rainbow with one spade. I bet and button calls.

The turn is a 6 of spades. I bet half pot and the button raises to 4 times my bet. I call.

The river is a brick, I check, button bets and I fold.

Hit me

I found a copy of Casino Player Magazine (November, 2011) in a Strip poker room. It contains the usual articles about how to improve your chances at winning in such negative EV games as blackjack and the slots, and, not surprisingly, is replete with ads from casinos and gaming companies.

One particular article, "Blackjack Etiquette" by Managing Editor Rob Wiser, states that basic strategy is the mathematically correct way to play every possible hand. He then goes on to say :

Hit that 16 against the dealer's 10, as much as it may scare you, and, more often than not, you will win the hand.

Wrong!!! You will lose the hand more often than not. However, you will lose less by hitting than by standing (so hitting is better). And that's assuming late surrender is not an option.

The Interpretation of Dreams

Last night I wake up in a sweat. Another recurring nightmare where I'm all-in and have no cards.

FTP and GBT reach agreement

Subject: Poker just broke the latest news in this complicated saga. Looks like progress.

Subject: Poker can now confirm that Full Tilt Poker and Groupe Bernard Tapie have executed an agreement to further the transfer of FTP’s assets to GBT. This agreement was necessary to pave the way for the US Department of Justice to take possession of the assets voluntarily being forfeited by Full Tilt.
...
...

Sources have confirmed that Laurent Tapie appeared personally in Dublin today and spoke to the employees about the hurdles already jumped and those still ahead.

The next key step will be for the actual forfeiture(s) to the DOJ, and the DOJ’s dismissal of the civil charges against the FTP companies. It is believed that these steps will take place shortly.
...
...

Tat funt Camara seals my fate

Busted out of the South Point freeroll without making it to the final day despite my having a well above average starting stack. I was card dead all night, endured many coolers, with the final coup de grace delivered during that tat-assed fitch Bamara's down when, without the aid of a sigmoidoscopy, she successfully managed to pull a 9 out of her well-endowed arse to give my all-in opponent a set which cracked my queens and crippled me.

Poker rooms must remain competitive

Brick and mortar poker rooms can no longer take their clientele for granted. They must compete by offering freerolls, hourly comps and, of late, cash back. Wynn is offering $50 cash back for every 25 hours of live play, while the Tropicana will pay $7 per hour for the 3 hours between 4pm and 7pm. All this in addition to the hourly comp rate. South Point, the M, and the Station rooms are among many that have generous freerolls.

High hand jackpots, which come from the player subsidized $1 per pot, are no longer considered a perk. The rooms will have to start digging into their own pockets to return a proportion of the rake in the form of freerolls and cash back. After all, players are the ones subsidizing dealers' wages in the form of tips, and now rightfully expect something substantial in return for their patronage and loyalty.

I spy

Latest sightings at South Point poker room : Jose Canseco, Karina Jett, Paul Magriel, Burt Boutin.

Relocation

Temperatures are starting to plummet here in Vegas forcing me to seek alternative lodgings. A shopping cart and 6 square feet under an I-15 overpass won't cut it anymore. Hopefully I'll find something suitable before the WPBT bloggers hit town.

Breaking news : GBT and DOJ Strike Deal

Subject: Poker has just published the story "that Groupe Bernard Tapie and the US Department of Justice have come to terms that allows GBT’s acquisition of Full Tilt Poker to continue. If FTP’s current shareholders agree to acquisition of their company, this deal with the DOJ will provide for payment of all players worldwide..."

"... Final details are still being worked out between GBT and the US Attorney’s Office for the Southern District of New York. Subject: Poker hopes to be able to report the full terms of the deal in the coming days. Once this is complete, Groupe Bernard Tapie will be able to propose a deal to acquire Full Tilt Poker directly to its shareholders. Members representing two thirds of ownership interest must vote to approve any such deal.

Subject: Poker has confirmed from numerous sources that, if shareholders agree to GBT’s proposal, Groupe Bernard Tapie will assume responsibility of Full Tilt’s debt to non-US players and the US DOJ will set up a fund to repay US players. We do not know at this time what the timeline for such repayment will be.

If current FTP shareholders agree to the sale, GBT can move on to licensing, making the new company one step closer to launch."

Even more pain at South Point

Just got back from a session where I lost a $1,300 pot when that impotent sack of shit dealer Tom from Buffalo managed to find one of the 7 remaining spades in the deck on the river, with 2 guys both drawing to a spade flush against my flopped nut straight.

Of course one shouldn't be blaming the dealer, but after all the tips that I've left them, I feel justified in cursing him out a bit. From now on, even though it will be against my nature, I will refrain from tipping any South Point dealer for an indeterminate period of time. No more enjoying my generous profit sharing plan without participating in the losses.

And if any of you want to defend these cunts, most of whom I actually really like, please comment. I know my position is intellectually untenable. In fact "Blame the dealer!" is sarcastically bandied around as a counter argument whenever someone invokes my stance. But for the moment, fuck them and the horses they rode in on.


Edited Postscript (October 30) :
The "indeterminate period of time" that I refrained from tipping South Point dealers lasted about 15 minutes i.e. just after I had won my first pot in the next session. As I said, it is against my nature not to tip. And I like the dealers, with Tom being among my favorites. I was thinking of deleting the above post, but am keeping it up to highlight the immediate emotional impact a brutal session has on me.

Bore mad beats at Pouth Soint

Pissed out on a big mot when my aces were cracked by all-in kings. Bickhead Dobby was responsible for the hankroll biccup. For the dain they pish out, these dealers should be tuggered up the ass not bipped.

South Point bad beat jackpot

At 12:50am (about 3 hours ago), the $50,000 South Point bad beat jackpot was finally hit. I was playing $1-$2 NLHE on Table 11 with John dealing, when seat 1 (8s 8h) and seat 4 (9c 9s) had the good fortune of mixing it up on the following board :

8h Qc 9h 8c 9d

Seat 1 got $20k, seat 4 $10k, and the 84 folks in the room, myself included, received $239 each.

Reprieve?

I was 10 seconds away from kicking the stool out from beneath my feet, when Joe came running in.

"Looks like a French group will be buying Full Tilt!" he shouted.

"You sure?" I asked. It had taken me a good 25 minutes to set up a makeshift gallows and I wanted confirmation before removing the noose.

"It's all over 2p2!"

Prudence and past disappointments dissuaded me from jumping for joy.

My first bad beat jackpot?

A huge, dead satellite tumbling to Earth is falling slower than expected, and may now plummet down somewhere over the United States tonight or early Saturday.

NASA expects about 26 large pieces of the UARS spacecraft to survive re-entry through Earth's atmosphere and reach the planet's surface. The biggest piece should weigh about 300 pounds.

NASA officials have said the chances that a piece of UARS debris hits and injures one of the nearly 7 billion people on the planet are about 1 in 3,200. I haven't won a lottery in my life but I've got an eerily good feeling about this one.

Latest Full Tilt Poker Press Release

"On April 15th 2011 the United States Department of Justice unsealed a federal indictment against a number of individuals employed by major online poker operators. After the issuance of that indictment and a related civil case brought by the United States government, Full Tilt Poker withdrew from the US market. Then in a related action, on June 29th, 2011, Full Tilt Poker had its operating licenses suspended by the Alderney Gambling Control Commission.

As a result, Pocket Kings Ltd. (provider of marketing and technology services to Full Tilt Poker) has adopted a cost optimization program and estimates that they need to reduce their costs by approximately €12m. This program is intended to streamline the company’s operations in order to better position itself for future growth and profitability in Full Tilt Poker’s markets outside of the U.S.

If all of the required cost savings were to be achieved through redundancies, approximately 250 positions could be affected; however the exact number cannot be confirmed until the conclusion of a consultation process with its workforce.

Notwithstanding the foregoing, Pocket Kings firmly believes it has a very strong future in Full Tilt Poker’s Non-US Markets, and is fully committed to ensuring Full Tilt Poker restores the site and repay players in full. To this end, Full Tilt Poker has retained Sea Port Group Securities, LLC as its financial advisor with regard to raising capital and/or assisting in securing a strategic partner in order to fund continued operations of Full Tilt Poker's non-U.S. business. The Company is in active discussions with several parties and will provide a further statement in due course."

The AGCC hearing will be held in camera on September 19. Here's hoping.

Life unplugged

I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel. Most of my life roll ($17.32) is stuck on Full Tilt, and the resultant mental anguish is causing a severe case of writer's block which in turn is holding up the release of my new poker book. Lack of funds will probably mean I'll have to drop out of colon hydrotherapy school. If it's not one shitstorm, it's another.

My new book

I am devoting most of my spare time to writing a poker book. It will encapsulate over 10 years experience playing in the highest cash games* in Las Vegas, and will reveal strategies heretofore unpublished. Topics covered will include aggressive check calling, check folding, and open folding post-flop when first to act. Nothing will be held back.

Initially it will be in ebook format, available exclusively on the HP TouchPad.

* that I could buy into