Poker face

Justice has been done

On the morning of September 11, 2001 at 8:30am, I was sitting at my desk in Queens, NYC, waiting for the NYSE to open. I had been trading from home for several months, but prior to that I had worked for a firm on the 45th floor of 1 WTC. CNBC's TV coverage was suddenly interrupted with shocking and unforgettable footage.

Fast forward to tonight, Sunday night, May 1, 2011 at 8:40pm. I am sitting at home in Las Vegas watching President Obama's address to the nation, reporting that Osama bin Laden has been killed.

"Justice has been done."

Norm Macdonald is also funny

I've always been a fan of Norm Macdonald and think he's doing a great job replacing Gabe Kaplan in High Stakes Poker.

2010 WSOP champ Jonathan Duhamel open raises with 88.
NM : "Jonathan picks up a pair."

Amateur Julian Movsesian calls with Kc2c.
NM : "Julian picks up a deuce with a big kicker."

Sigh

Black Friday

PokerStars, Full Tilt Poker and Absolute Poker have been indicted for running afoul of the UIGEA, and arrests have been made. Both PS and FTP have ceased US operations as of today. A personal fuck you to Frist, Kyl, Goodlatte, Leach and the horses they rode in on.





"Unfortunately, as a result of this action, Full Tilt Poker has decided that it must suspend “real money” play in the United States until this case is resolved. However, Full Tilt Poker will continue to provide peer-to-peer online poker services outside of the United States."

Coolered by Randomness

Most of you are by now familiar with my hysterical rants on the random number generators (RNG's) used by online poker sites. After an extremely brutal bad beat, I will often snap-post a short tirade lambasting all those remotely associated with the design, creation, testing and maintenance of the offending RNG. This is solely for my psychological well-being. Truth be told, I have full faith and confidence in the integrity of the RNG on the sites that I play on.

Poker multitabling

I am currently trying out the Peregrine gaming glove which allows you to trigger commands just by touching your fingers with your thumb. The glove has 3 Activator Pads – one on the thumb tip, another on the middle of the thumb, and one on the palm. It's a perfect fit for poker multitabling and I was mindlessly grinding 16 tables when the following hand came up :



I clenched my fist so tightly that a circuit in the glove must have shorted, and smoke starting wafting out of the USB port. I decided that if ever there was a more opportune moment to put my fist through the monitor, it was then, as the glove would prevent any collateral damage to my hand.

Fortunately I quickly came to my senses and instead opted to ram my forehead into the adjacent wall.

FCUK in chat results in automated warning

After a very demoralizing session, heavily punctuated with coolers, bad beats and suckouts, I decided to reach out to the boys who work behind the scenes at Full Tilt. Hopefully the Chat Monitor will be kind enough to pass on my message.

Online Capers VII

1the, an up and coming, non-shortstacking multitabler from Russia, thinks he's found nirvana. He calls my $9 c-bet on the flop when he's a 95% dog, and then watches while 2 running clubs are pulled out of the accommodating arse of the FTP RNG to give him the stone cold nuts, and my stack, on the river. I bite my lip, and then my mousepad.

Online Capers VI

Just to prove that atrocious card players are evenly spread geographically, today's guest, goatherder CarpeDiemRS, comes to us from rural Bosnia and Herzegovina. When not busy chasing goats or flushes, he fills in as the village idiot on a per diem basis.

Online Capers V

A preflop raise wasn't enough to prevent ADASTRAPERASPE, whose IP address has been tracked to a Northern Italian mental institution, from calling with Q8o and cracking my KK. I put the imbecile on AQ when the money went in on the flop. Perhaps I could have gotten away from the hand.

We have a winner!

It's official, I have won 2 free hours of poker coaching from Jeremy "Oldschool" Steinhausen. First session is tomorrow at 12:00 noon. Hopefully everything will be set up in the library on time. Just to be on the safe side, I'll be going round to that old hag's place tonight, with rubber gloves and garden hose in tow.

Free coaching?

Oldschool, one of the poker coaches on 2+2, has offered 2 hours of free coaching for the best original funny story posted in his thread about why someone would need his coaching. I just submitted the truth :

I currently live at St. Luke's, a homeless shelter in east Las Vegas. Having completely depleted my poker bankroll and in desperate need of funds, I am seeking alternative revenue streams and to that end am now training to be a colon hydrotherapist. I have managed to download Full Tilt at a public library, thanks in no small part to a cooperative librarian to whom I promised a free colonic cleansing. I tried convincing her to install the 15-day free trial of HEM as well, but alas she would only do it after the colonic.

[x] Old rubber gloves
[x] St. Luke's garden hose
[ ] Appropriate facility

After an initial 27 BI downswing and a 150k breakeven stretch, I'm crushing 1/2 Rush (4-tabling, FR, play money) and feel I am ready to move up to 5/10. All this without TableNinja, hotkeys and auto Timebank. I am, however, wary of the pitfalls associated with a higher limit and would therefore like some coaching before undertaking such a move.

I realize that a comprehensive DB analysis is necessary and have devised a plan whereby I utilize an unknown Wi-Fi spot in the library, and together with a CAT-5 cable tied around one of my tooth fillings to intercept high frequency radio transmission, and a USB flash drive to transfer my hand history folder, we can temporarily avail ourselves of HEM's free trial and conduct a fruitful first session.

[x] Tooth filling
[ ] $5 CAT-5 cable
[ ] $7 USB flash drive
[x] Initiative

I have no cell phone but will soon be able to be contacted via a homing pigeon that I am training.

[x] oldschool lives in contiguous USA

The winner will be announced at the end of February. Let them laugh at me - I could do with some free poker coaching.

Online Capers IV

It seems as if a KK vs AA situation has to come up in nearly every session. Fuck the system architects at Full Tilt who designed the RNG, fuck Cigital, Inc and TST Labs, the 2 companies that evaluated, tested and accredited the randomness of the RNG, and fuck the respective horses they rode in on. If I've left anyone out, then fuck them too.

Online Capers III

In the grand scheme of things, this SB vs. BB hand is insignificant. However I called on the river because the BB's story didn't make sense. Remember, the story you are telling must at least represent something credible in the context of how the hand is played out.


Full Tilt, $0.50/$1 No Limit Hold'em Cash, 9 Players

Hero (SB): $19.25 (19.3 bb)
BB: $162.75 (162.8 bb)
UTG+1: $45.90 (45.9 bb)
UTG+2: $100 (100 bb)
MP1: $32 (32 bb)
MP2: $111.65 (111.7 bb)
MP3: $232.30 (232.3 bb)
CO: $20.70 (20.7 bb)
BTN: $277.40 (277.4 bb)

Preflop: Hero is SB with Ah 8s
7 folds, Hero completes, BB checks

Flop: ($2) 9h Js 8c (2 players)
Hero checks, BB checks

Turn: ($2) 5h (2 players)
Hero bets $1, BB calls $1

River: ($4) Jh (2 players)
Hero checks, BB bets $3.50, Hero calls $3.50

Results: $11 pot ($0.55 rake)
Final Board: 9h Js 8c 5h Jh
Hero showed Ah 8s and won $10.45 ($4.95 net)
BB showed 4c 7s and lost (-$5.50 net)

Online Capers II

This time we have toooh1, a Northern American idiot (Canada actually) with a VPIP of 44%, who calls my preflop raise with J8s, gets checkraised on the flop and calls with a straight draw, decides to continue chasing by calling a hefty $22.50 turn bet when the pot is $30.40, and then is rewarded for his stubborn persistence with a river card that completes his straight.

False positive?

Got this popup while surfing on 2+2. I did not press OK, in fact I was even scared to close it myself. Instead I opened up Windows Task Manager and ended the application from there. It listed itself as AVG - Windows Explorer, but in fact is malware trying to install itself when activated.

I found this on the interwebs (links intentionally deleted) :

The malware comes from this link : http:// XXXXXXXX.com/

XXXXXXXX redirects to YYYYYYYY.com in my case. The site displays a popup via JavaScript which says: "AV8 has found suspicious activity on your pc and will perform some action on your pc." It does fake virus scan, displays a fake Windows Security Alert, and then downloads a variant of Win32/Kryptik.IMZ trojan:

http:// YYYYYYYY.com/load/ZZZZZZZZZ.exe

Online Capers I

I bet the flop and was raised all-in. I would bury my head in shame had I won this pot in a live setting. But in the anonymity afforded by online play, ikkeno1, a Northern European idiot (Norway actually), gets another fillip to his bankroll before it, and him, dwindle into inevitable obscurity.

gg B&M?

For the first time in many years, I'm looking at getting into more serious online play. Clearly there are advantages to both forms, but $2-$5 at the Venetian is packed with regs and is getting harder to beat. Plus the commute will be shorter.

I know I will be facing more suckouts per hour playing online, but at least I won't be dealt cooler after cooler by that affected whore, Xiulian.

Gambling Tales Podcast returns

The Gambling Tales Podcast is back "on the air" with new shows weekly. Special K and Falstaff are the ones to blame. They will focus on a single topic each week, and will also reveal the password to their weekly Thursday Full Tilt freeroll tournament. I am now trying to get my hands on some headphones so that I can listen to one of these in the public library I frequent.