American Woman

Years of selfless voluntary work, together with a charming and flawless personality, have finally paid dividends. I've been asked to be an official chaperone for one of the contestants in the Miss America Pageant to be held later today at the Aladdin Resort and Casino. This entails accompanying the candidate to all the pre- and post-event functions, not to mention a change in socks and underwear. So far we have hit it off pretty well despite the age and height difference. I have been giving her pointers on how best to respond to the judges' questions, and later this afternoon will critique a private rehearsal of her swimsuit presentation. Her deportment should be fine; it's mine that I'm concerned about.